Saturday, September 4, 2010

Musings of a Lazy Day.

I know 2 posts in one day is a little much, but I'm in this uncreative mood - itching to write, yet I don't necessarily have anything to write about. I apologize in advance if this is confusing and unorganized.

Today is Saturday which means eggs for breakfast followed by Public Access food shows (because there is nothing like Scandinavian cooking), Roger napping on the couch, and finally Band Practice from 4:00pm to 1:00 AM. I didn't think that couples got this predictable until they where empty-nesters. My G-gangstadawg-ma (that's grandma's nickname from my youngest cousin) is actually making fun of us for being boring. The really scary part is that I love our silly routine.

I would like to have some big philosophical reasoning about it. The truth is that I just love being around Roger. When we took a break (he sent me home worried about my health) it wasn't the big romantic gestures that I missed. It was the little idiosyncrasies that kept me up at night wishing I could call him. It was those little things that I never paid attention to, or even was irked by. Roger spits toothpaste on the spout while brushing his teeth, I mean who does that? He also snores in his sleep, loudly (he is doing that while I type this actually). Its no wonder I have sleep problems with a chainsaw right next to my ear. Yet when we where apart I sat there disturbed how silent it was. Every thing reminded me of him. I missed his silly routines and his auditor stories.

Now that I am back I have been harboring a secret fear that I will have another bad bipolar episode and he will send me back or that he will just decide that he misses being single. I know that its asinine but its the truth. He has told me that he can't wait to marry me and that he was crazy without me but I still worry. I can't do anything to stop that worry, maybe once we are married it will subside.

I do intend not to make the same mistakes I did before though. I lived with Roger for months and took all of his wonderful traits for granted. The one good thing about the whole mess is that I have become immeasurably more perceptive. I notice his scent, how his body is always a few degrees warmer than mine, the twinkle in his eyes when he is picking at me.

Well Roger just woke up, which means its about time to go to band practice so I guess that's all for now.

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